Apologies Can Be Hard

"If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, that You may be feared." Psalm 130:3-4

Over the years of our time in Zambia, there are many things that I have observed about people and their relationships with others. One thing that stood out to me was their attitude towards each other when they were on bad terms with one another. Like many people, they keep their distance from the person for several months and then one day, everything is fine again. There is no apology or asking for forgiveness. Please do not hear me say that all Zambians are like this, because they aren't. But even me, I am guilty of doing this as well because I hate conflict.
This morning there was a knock at our gate. Rabson told Kendall that a young girl was at our gate and wanted to speak with me. Before we went to America, we had a great relationship and while we were away some things happened. I tried to contact her but she did not want to be reached. My heart was hurt because of the time that I had invested in her. I felt betrayed because she had lied to me. I had to confess to the Lord that my heart was bitter towards her and ask the Lord to forgive me for being so childish in my thoughts about her. Several months have passed and she is the one that showed up outside my gate this morning. Just hearing her name, my heart began to race because I was so afraid of what she was going to say but more afraid of what I would say.
I went outside the gate and found her sitting on a rock with a piece of thick grass in her hand, a pile of shredded grass lay at her feet as she had widdled it down to merely a piece. I said hello and she greeted me in return. My normal reaction would to begin talking to fill the empty air and dead silence, but I didn't speak. Soon she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said,"I am sorry for what I have done to you. Please forgive me. Thank you for loving me, teaching me, and helping me." She cried. I bent down to her to look her face to face and said, "I have forgiven you and thank you so much for coming today." I asked her if she was okay and told her that she was welcome to come to our home anytime. She then told me that everytime her little girl sees our truck she yells out, "Bambo (Mr.) Kendall and Mama Joy!" I hugged her and the last thing that she said to me was, "At night the witches are coming to me and when I wake up I hear you saying to me, 'Pray in Jesus' name and they will leave you.' Thank you for teaching me this."
Today, I was humbled, relieved, and so happy to see that this young girl, who has prayed to receive Jesus, stepped out of her comfort zone and asked for forgiveness and was truly grateful for the love of Christ in her life. I was reminded of how stubborn and arrogant I can be. Knowing that a relationship has been mended gives me such a peace and a feeling of wholeness again. Proverbs 16:24 comes to mind when I think about this conversation today, "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." My soul feels sweetened and my bones feel whole again. Praise the Lord!