The Hallway

After a long time of some intense emotions, my heart was finally freed to put them down on paper. Sometimes in the midst of trials and tribulations the rest of the world just flies by in a blur because the weight of the burdens in your own life are bogging you down. Last week, I penned this journal entry about the hallway and the waiting in life. The writing is raw and follows my thoughts..I pray that this encourages someone who is in the hallway...

WAITING...it's so easy to tell someone else to wait on the Lord and His timing is perfect...but it's hard to accept it when it is you waiting. Waiting takes you out of control and places God in control. I have been guilty of going around roadblocks to have things speed up or go my way. Every time they failed or didn't end up the way God intended and fell so very short of the beauty that He had in store for me. Every time I have had to wait I realize how impatient I am. And usually, these times of waiting have come after I have asked the Lord to teach me patience...

PATIENCE...WAITING...CONTROL...WORRY

These four giants go hand in hand. 

• Impatience says that I know best.
• Worry says that God doesn't know best and I am in control.
• Waiting seems to be a fear of showing weakness.
• Control says I can take care of it.

I think waiting is so difficult because in our finite/mortal minds we know best and we have closed our eyes and painted the most beautiful picture with the most vivid colors and when that doesn't happen fast enough the storms of life bring a massive rainstorm that cause the colors to run. So we scramble to save that image before it turns ugly. 

But waiting on the Lord says that we trust Him. That we know He is at work and that He is building and creating the perfect moment in His perfect timing.

So why is it that when I have to wait I find myself in this frustrating tailspin? My dearest friends and family members tell me "God's timing is perfect". I know and believe that but why do I struggle to act that out?!

IF I HAD RUSHED..

• My dating relationship with Kendall it wouldn't have grown and had a solid foundation.
• My pregnancy my babies would have been lacking in all aspects of life.
• My education I would have lacked in knowledge of things that I didn't know I needed to know.

The best things in life take time. So why do we want to rush the BEST things and settle for the INFERIOR? 

A flower takes time to grow and mature...you can't rush it. If you do, you end up with a vase full of green buds, that although are beautiful in their own way...aren't the incredibly gorgeous colors that God intended. 

"Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains. You too be patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near."

James 5:7-8

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage, Yes, wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27:14

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of Him who prospers in his way...DO NOT FRET; it leads only to evildoing. But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land." 

Psalm 37:7, 9

Jesus showed perfect patience with so many...even me. "Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life."  Romans 2:7

Abraham was incredibly patient... "And so having patiently waited he obtained the promise."  Hebrews 6:15

"Cast your burdens upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken."  Psalm 55:22

• Moses had amazing patience-- 40 years of wandering
• Joseph was patient/faithful for 7 years while he was enslaved.
• Esther waited for God to work His perfect plan to expose Haman and protect the Jews.
• Rahab was patient/trusting that Joshua would rescue her family from the destruction of Jericho.

This hallway in my life has seemed like every door was locked and there was no way out. At times I found myself viewing the hallway like a dark shaft....

Then at times I viewed the hallway as an amazing place to sit at His feet, rest, enjoy the beauty around me and have my cup filled by His Word....

Then on April 30th...He heard our many cries and He answered in complete abundance. His plan was more beautiful than what I had painted in my mind. "But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God WILL hear me."  Micah 7:7

Then at the end of the hallway with a door standing wide open...I reflect on this time in my journey this side of Heaven. I am remorseful, repentant, and humbled. I was such a difficult person to be around and I begged my family and friends and most of all the Lord to forgive me. 

You, O Lord, are ALWAYS on time...thank You for providing for us, yet AGAIN. When others thought we were foolish and crazy; you have shown us favor and been faithful. Forgive me for doubting and not trusting You!